small rumination on grief...Ruby inspired but not related

I have seen a fair share of pain and suffering in my short life. I'm sure many have seen more but death and disease and sadness aren't new to me. The sadness I felt last night and this morning as I was caring for Ruby was rather different though. It had a strong dose of guilt. I suppose that might be logical. I was aiming to take care of Ruby and provide a good life for her. But as I was laying beside her crying (note: Starla has been sleeping in another room because she is sick too and I didn't want to wake her up every few hours while caring for Ruby) I knew that Starla and I were not responsible for Ruby's Parvo. Still I had trouble shaking the feeling. Ruby snuggled nice and close to me on the floor and finally dozed off about 5:30am but I kept thinking about grief and guilt. Guilt I think does not have a purpose. Grief does. Only a couple of days ago Starla and I were reading our morning Bible verses and came across the shortest verse in the Bible. "Jesus wept." That is the story about Lazarus being raised from the dead. That made me comfortable that my grief wasn't for nothing. It, also, convinced me that guilt probably doesn't have any point. Jesus after all had nary an apology for tarrying before visiting the sick Lazarus. Guilt's cousins...honesty, repentance, change...certainly do have purpose. I wonder if I sometimes pretend my feelings of guilt absolve me of the mistakes I've made. Probably so. Fortunately, I can always change for the better.